Our guide on turning kids into tiny homesteaders
We bought our home four years ago and since that time, our family has changed and grown and therefore our family’s needs have changed and grown. When I think back to how we managed our garden and animals and projects when our babies were 0-15 months, I honestly don’t know how we did it. We had a family friend visiting a few months ago with her 8 month old who preferred to be held 80% of the time. It took me right back to those days when the only time I could get things done was when they were napping or being cared for by someone else. All of this to say, the season of life our family is in is extremely conducive to receiving help from the kids. Our kids are 3 and 5 and are a big help around our homestead and the best part is that they are incredibly eager to help.
When I think about the skills I use now, most of them I learned from being at home. I learned to cook by helping my mom in the kitchen. I learned the importance of a clean home from doing my chores as a child. And I learned that the care and attention I put into my home is reflected in the happiness of my family. These are the skills we want our kids to remember when they are grown and moving out into the world. And we know habits are created when our kids are young! Bodhi and Haddie are at the age where they WANT to help. If I announce I’m going to prepare some things for dinner, they are washing their hands and pushing their stools over before I even get a chance to get the ingredients out.
Here’s how we harness and nurture that excitement for our family’s benefit.
1. Follow your (and I do mean YOUR) passion
I read a blog post once about how we need to make the chores fun and attention grabbing. Although I’m sure that works, I’ve noticed that if Luke and I are passionate about a project, the kids are too. If I gather my tools and head into the garden, I would be willing to bet (if I were the gambling type) that they will be right behind me wielding their gardening gloves and tools. They see my excitement and they naturally want to be part of that.
2. Be willing to be present with them while they learn something new
We have our weekly chore chart, and each time we change one of the kids’ chores, we know we are going to need to do the chore with them from start to finish for, at least, the first week. That being said, Haddie is 3 and has been making her bed for 3 months and still wants me in there when she does it * me channeling my patience*. This is not only a learning time for them, but our patience helps to grow their confidence around their chore.
3. Let them come and go as their interest is piqued
We feel that now is not the time to force something that doesn’t feel right for them. There are times when I’m working on a project and the kids will join, drift away to pick a flower, return to pick a few weeds, etc. And I celebrate this. I let them know that I appreciate their help and I say my go to “many hands makes little work.” Apart from their own chores (which we do require them to complete), we let their involvement be as fluid as they want. Now that Bodhi is getting older, he wants to join Luke for most of his chores and projects (especially if there’s a new tool involved!).
4. Give them ownership
It’s no secret that kids love control. They have so little of it in their lives, so anytime something feels like their own, they take pride in that. Our kids share a room and pretty much all of their toys, so anything that feels like just their own that they’re responsible for, they take that seriously! Our mud kitchen is a staple in our garden and when it’s a mess, the whole garden is a mess. Bodhi knows it’s his job to tidy up the mud kitchen on Tuesday’s, and he feels so proud that he’s able to contribute to the family in that way.
5. Create positive rhetoric/narrative around help
We try hard to use phrases that will help our children understand the importance of homestead work to our family. You’ll commonly find us using phrases like “everyone is doing a job”, “I notice you’re helping out the family by tidying up that space”, “we all do our part to make our home run”. Not doing chores isn’t punitive. We “notice” they need some extra support and we offer that. Yes, it’s more work for us in the short term, but the long term benefits outweigh that.
In the spirit of full honesty and not sugar coating, most things are hard. Chores with the kids, chores without the kids, it’s all challenging, and we’re all exhausted. But I often remind Luke (who in turn reminds me!) to remove himself from the present moment that feels muddy and gooey and impossible, and look at the bigger picture. The bigger picture is that we love our family and we want to invest in US.